The hamper falls over. The lightning and thunder sound from very far away. I wake in front of a ceramic studio and an art teacher is giving someone else a hard time. A shitty student probably. I didn’t have much to do but mix together orange paint with white paint and black paint. Instead I just picked up a ceramic head (a facial bust lol) and noticed its odd center of gravity, and how when held where you think itshould bevisually held, the top of the open can gets heavy and has this unbalanced feeling there, in your hand. So, I balance it - it’s different shape and blue outside, and look around the studio at the other malformed faces and heads that the people in this studio have been forming. My head maybe being the malformed one - if it’s being connected to anything at all. Sitting atop my body, instead of lying around in the ceramic yard with the all different sizes and infinite shapes with no structure to place on top. ... I go and sit in class with a hat over my eyebrows watching a screening of a vid my teacher feels brave for putting on. “So there’s no answer, right?” Jumping the gun... The teachers second video ends with this hypothesis… I look out the window with my dogs sitting on the bed and wonder if I’m getting in the way of this world that’s meant to happen to me. These little ceramic sculptures outside of real life that make it up. I say a few paradoxes to myself in my head and nothing happens with that - our magical world spills away into slick. I think about something I heard on that app. That I stand at the door of eternity, the door that’s just mine, the one I can never go through (whatever it’s made of, me). Missing the point - the present alludes me, finding a point, and I live in the past and future simultaneously - can’t quite get to that very present place with me because of what I make of him - standing perfectly, statued in this presence for a very short time. ... Reporting back - things that my self wouldn’t understand: the dogs, how their heads propped up when they heard the hamper fall, and a time later I hear a door close downstairs. I could’ve sworn my brother was upstairs. I think something happened with the time just then, that maybe I went to this other time or some other worlds time where my brother didn’t go upstairs and stayed downstairs just coming upstairs when he did a few minutes ago instead of an hour or so ago when I thought he did. And then I think he must have come back downstairs when I’d fallen asleep… He must have, or else I’m living this some other, other time that’s new or an hour behind or ahead but not right, not present time as it was before I’m sure for sure. When that hamper fell, I picked up my phone for a light but also to see if that girl had texted me back to tell me that the music, she sent me –redacted-some retardedevil fantasy of what I thought would happen - that’s... that what would’ve happened in the world I was in before - but this one is new.
Share this post