1Right before the world ends.2
Right before the world ends. I was looking up at the stars from my window and the sky was clear somehow. I stared up at the stars and I started to feel them moving. And the longer I stared I could see them floating across the sky as if they were all meteors slowly fitting into place. But my heart started to race, When I looked at one particularly bright star. It seemed to be moving more than all of the others and the more I looked the more I was sure that it was getting larger and that soon it would encapsulate the whole sky and plummet to the earth in a flash of hot white light crashing far away and then nowhere for a time. I took a breath in and wondered why I was so sure that the world was ending? And I wondered what would happen if that meteor would crash into me. Would I be okay with what I’m wearing? Am I cold? Would I need a jacket? I would certainly need a water bottle. But I think I was frightened because I felt I have something to lose. It maybe just my small interaction with the world and the potential collapse of society followed by martial law and living underground but I don’t think I was afraid because I was alone. But I took a deep breath in and went to sleep. To be against something. I need to be against everything to feel unique. You box me in, and you think you know me. And I change automatically. It’s out of my control. I’m stuck in a pattern like a machine. I don’t want to be in a group so now I’m in the ungroup-group. A costume of difference that gives my life purpose. There is no an answer. You can read forever. It’s not out there. In every word and every bit of text there is nothing you will find that will change this core conflict: There will always be your opposite. Twenty years ago, all the modes and topics of conversation were the same. They repeat themselves. It’s all the same. It repeats endlessly and you don’t see it because there is nothing to see behind it. It’s an apparition - we like how it haunts us. It lends a sense of nostalgic dread. I don’t want nuance, I don’t want “bothside-ism”, I don’t want the endless adversarial money counter machine right now. Tomorrow I might like some, but there is no joy without misery. There are more and more little idioms like that to quell the undying conflict that fires missiles of disbelief at everything that repeats itself. A civil war and culture war and actually war, a holy war, a just war. It’s not going to end. Not ever, not until you’re dead. We lose so much. An end to discourse. Thank god they’re not talking about ____ so now we can talk about how the world ends. But. The sky is falling. It falls every day. It falls for the same things. Every time. There is no solving it. That’s not worth anything. We would lose too much. The sky is falling. It falls so fast and every single day multiple times. It falls for the same things that it did when the end was near again. Maybe we can go back in time. Act like the game has an ending. Like there is still a meaning. A winning. I think I might be one of those people that would like the end of the world, Or at least the moments leading up to it. DE_compartmentalizing the sky falling countdown clock as the world abstracts again, Pulls apart and tears through time for the first time. I would like everyone to be together so that I could be outside of it. While everyone was afraid, I would feel free, And I wouldn’t care that the world was ending.
a poem3
SPLAÄT.
bang bang. see? i told you so. i’ve done something different. not every piece of audio needs a video and i’ve tried some new things wiiith my vocal chain and vocal presentation in this piece. notice the affected vocal oration. notice me creating a new word - “decompartmentalizing”. what a paradox. this project is now occurring out of time and backwards. busting it down sexual style negative space style. and i wanted to try new things with the with it with the project. to make full use of the audio function of the form. of what form you might ask? please refer to the forum.
am i speaking too much about the secret formioli and or being overly controlling in these footnotes. i’ve noticed that i say “i wonder”. did you see it? i am directing your attention even now. hmm. i wonder very slightly. but deliberately. even now. look at the punctuation in these footnotes. do you think it’s a mistake that i don’t capitalize the start of my sentences? i could easily do this. but i choose not to. i also don’t want to touch the shift key. fuck the shift key. while you get to know me, it might be good to direct you a little bit. away from the shift key. i’d like that. i think you’d like that. if you liked that.
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